Starting Over

Since landing my job in August, I've been slowly marching towards stability.

I've been staying with a friend in Palm Coast, which is about 90 minutes away from Gainesville where I work. The commute three days a week was hard to handle; once I finished my commute I only had a few hours before it was time to go to sleep and do it all over again. My mental health suffered.

For the past month I've been staying at room-sized AirBnBs. This shortened my commute, but I was staying in the homes of other people. Each place had different rules for what could or couldn't be done and at which time. I find it to be a stressful situation because strangers are judging your behavior while you're just trying to live your life.

As of yesterday, though, I graduated from living with random strangers to just living with one; I found someone who needed a roommate until his lease ends. This is definitely a step in the right direction, and there's a lot to like about this setup.

The room I'm renting is decently-sized and has an attached bathroom. The guy I'm renting from is also post-divorce, and because he's focused on eating prepackaged meals I'm free to utilize the kitchen.

When my mental health is in good shape, I really enjoy cooking. Since my roommate isn't using the space, that means I have the freedom to make use of it and not feel as though I'm keeping him from using it. My primary struggle is likely going to be keeping the kitchen clean 🤣

I spent a lot of time yesterday driving around and getting the things I need to live as an independent adult. A rice cooker. A slow cooker. Shower curtain. Air mattress. Etc.

While I've been without a space of my own, I've discovered just how important to my mental health it is to me that I have a clean and accessible kitchen. I try to buy fresh food that can easily be turned into something delicious, like roasted brussels sproats or roasted broccoli or, diving deep into my back catalog, roasted potatoes. With a kitchen at my disposal I can make healthy food, which will also help with my mental health. If I play my cards right, it could help financially as well.

My hope is that because I have my own space again, I will have fewer problems on my mind and it will be easier to take steps to improve my situation. No one is coming to save me, and if I don't start taking action things will not improve.

Don't get me wrong; I'm thankful to be where I'm at. This is a huge upgrade from renting a room, which itself was an upgrade from staying with friends and family. But now it's time for the difficult part; figuring out how to make the money I actually need to get out of this situation.

Finances have been a huge struggle. Not having my own space to prepare or keep food has meant I've had to buy food rather than make it. I have hated the expense while simultaneously being grateful to be able to afford it.

Based on my projections, I'm not going to have the money saved up to afford an apartment of my own by the time the lease here ends in March. Without some external help arriving, that means I have to figure out how to make the extra money I need by myself. My first instinct is to hyperfocus on the problem, but all that does is increase my anxiety because I'm not actually taking steps to make things better. Instead, I need to hyperfocus on generating extra money.

Due to my poor credit at the moment, I'm likely going to have to pay a large security deposit, which could range from 1 - 2 months of rent. My entry-level pay (that come with architect-level responsibilities) doesn't let me save up money very quickly, although I'm grateful that it does let me save a significant portion of my income. I just won't be able to save up enough in time.

Because I've been so preoccupied with my living situation (which itself has substantial impact on my mental health), I haven't been able to focus on making money. The amount of money I need to make isn't huge; $5k would likely solve most of the issues I'm facing.

I am going to be able to save roughly $2k - $3k before the lease ends; let's just call it $2,500. That leaves a shortfall of $2,500. While I'm pretty confident that I can find a way to make that, it's absolutely additional stress on top of the already substantial amount of stress I'm facing from the slow-motion collapse of society.

That's not a huge amount of money. A software project or two would cover it. I also have a couple of software products that could generate that amount of revenue if I'm able to focus on them.

And now, with a living space of my own, I am hopeful to have the mental space to do so.